Have you ever wanted something so bad you’d do anything to get it?

Of course you have. Even for a split second, we have all been in positions to make decisions and choices that may not reflect who we are or who we want to be. But for the goal, it didn’t matter. That goes for me, a simple Sports Producer. But does it matter in the grand scheme of things? It's just sports. It’s just entertainment. But as I have learned, it does.

In early 2014, I was 21, and working in a mailroom at Advocate Beverly Center. Young and ambitious, but no clear path for a career. One of my worst fears was getting stuck in a job I hated, and it seemed like I was headed there. I prayed to God and asked for direction. Then one morning, a commercial for the Illinois Media School came on the radio. I loved sports, and I loved 670 The Score. Immediately, I knew this was the path for me. Very soon after, I immersed myself in the craft of sports conversation. I didn’t feel as talented as my peers, but my advantage was time. Since I lived with my parents, had no wife/ girlfriend, or kids, I could outwork people. Getting places super early and staying as late as I could. I needed to make this work. I had no plan B. As I kept that mentality, Godly ambition soon switched to something ungodly. Pride had stepped in- envy and the need to step above my peers and competitors. The internal flame that once pushed me became a consuming, selfish desire to be something or someone great.

I disregarded family time, often missing holidays, outings, and most importantly, time with God, to work an extra shift. I wanted this so badly that nothing else mattered. I picked up any job in the field as I could, and it all culminated in the character of “Tony Gill”. I soon became a caricature of myself for the sake of content. It’s what made me different, got me noticed on air and on social media. The attention was intoxicating, and after a while, it consumed me. My career became my identity. It became my idol.

The trick is the success. I was being validated every step of the way. So you keep it up. Then the content soon bleeds into real life. ‘Is this my actual thought, or is this what the character would say?” I couldn’t separate the two, leading to a moment I will never forget. I was dating my now-wife Stephanie, and we got into our first real argument ever. I can’t remember what it was about. But she said something that shook me.

This character I created started to ruin my relationship. This was a wake-up call. What happened? I lost the plot. God had used the woman who was going to be my wife to show me what I had become. There’s a scripture that describes this perfectly.

“Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 2:11 ESV)

This verse comes from a great book of wisdom in the Bible, written by the wisest king of Israel, Solomon. This verse hits like a ton of bricks. I had put so much effort into the craft and into the character of “Tony Gill” that at the end of it, it was all vanity. It was a fruitless attempt to become someone great. I took a break for about a month. I had to refocus. What is this passion for sports and interesting conversation for? Why did I have this platform and audience? I had to go back to where I started, back to Jesus and the Bible.

In the book of Matthew, Jesus tells his disciples this:

“For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?” (Matthew 16:26)

I had forgotten where my identity truly lies. It’s in the One who made me and formed me, our Saviour Jesus. I was willing to take that month to make Him first in my life, and everything changed from there. I got back in the scriptures, I prayed and talked it out with Steph and my family. The pressure to keep up the character and the pressure to respond a certain way were all gone as I handed all those things to Him. I’m in a much better place since then. The peace I have in doing what I do and helping others is something that goes beyond understanding. My career is no longer my idol, but a tool I have been gifted to do to honor Him. Ambition isn’t the antithesis of God, but if used correctly, it can impact others in a major way.